[Phoenix PEN] Tintin: This moment, that moment

[Phoenix PEN] Tintin: This moment, that moment Phoenix City Tintin Memory always plays an inappropriate joke with itself: when needed, it always goes with the time...

Phoenix Tintin

Memory always makes inappropriate jokes with itself: when needed, it is always gradually forgotten over time; and when I want to put it away, it suddenly jumps out, like a weird elf, pricking my heart with needles, reminding me how deep the traces are engraved in my brain.

At this moment, I couldn't sleep - just because I learned about the death of Teacher Fei. He and I hadn’t seen each other in three years, nor had we had a phone call or email. But this does not hinder the relationship between me and him, including their whole family, as family members. I knew he was exactly the same as me in this regard, always too lazy to keep in touch with old friends. The friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, which may be the best excuse for our lazy state. However, when this shallow water was disturbed by the news of his death, I realized that a clear water can also have such depth. Like most people who heard the news, all I could do was keep searching online for more news. Most of the messages on the Internet were condolences from his students, and also talked about various things about his teaching and work at the school, and even interesting stories from his college days. As I looked at it, the countless fragments of his time in Arizona were like a book opened by the wind, and the experiences of the past two years flashed before my eyes page by page.

I say "teacher" just because everyone calls him that, but I never think of him as a teacher in my heart. Frankly speaking, I just regard "teacher" as another name that is easier to call him. After all, his full name "Fei Jianping" is rather difficult to pronounce. The first time I saw him, he was pacing in front of the house, puffing away smoke, looking very leisurely and enjoying himself, giving me a complete back view. When he turned around, I could see his face clearly.

That moment is that moment. The contrast between reality and memory is so great that now I can't connect him with the hospital bed and liver cancer at all. However, at that moment, he, alive, turned around, nodded to me, and smiled innocently.

Thick eyebrows, big eyes, high nose, tall stature, broad shoulders - his appearance should definitely conform to the standard classical aesthetic. However, his slightly square chin and stubble on his cheeks separated him from the smart and handsome guys in movies and TV shows, not to mention his strong and somewhat bloated figure and honest smile at the time, which allowed him to squeeze into the ranks of ordinary people. A baggy red sweatshirt barely covered his waist; so the most noticeable thing was his hands. Compared with the small cigarettes, his hands are very big, almost giving me the impression that he does farm work every day. I said hello politely, and this person named "Teacher Fei" and I got to know each other.

My relationship with him started out as strictly neighbors. In a place like the United States, neighbors can be just neighbors, which is very different from the "distant relatives are not as good as close neighbors" in China. However, I don’t know since when, he has completely become like another family member of mine; more precisely, their whole family and mine have become one family. The transition was so natural that we didn't feel anything special at all. We lived in an apartment upstairs and downstairs from theirs; as long as it was not working time, we would run from my house to his house when we had something to do? Then we would run from his house to my house again, and so on, forming a simple cycle for us. Over time, I will feel that the living area of ​​my home has doubled; and the number of family members has also doubled. My contact with him was completely different from those who have written most about it online. It was completely life-like, without a trace of academic atmosphere or any teacher-student relationship. Even if I was tossing about my semiconductor materials and he was studying his econometrics, the topics he and I shared were mostly pasta and the NBA. His love for pasta is similar to mine; but he doesn’t have my minimum requirements for delicious food. In essence, all it takes is a big bowl of noodles mixed with soy sauce and chili pepper, and some chopped green onion, which is enough to make him say: "It tastes so good" before moving his chopsticks, and then put down his chopsticks after eating and say: "It's delicious." I am not proficient in basketball, and I can barely tell the difference between Jordan and O'Neal. But he spoke eloquently about the characteristics of NBA teams. Listening to his comments during a game was as sweet as fried peanuts to me. It was a rare opportunity for me to sit in front of the TV with him and watch many more games. Of course, he would adjust the TV antenna from time to time during the process, trying to increase the clarity of the TV image - although often in vain. He also showed a strong interest in Go, one of my hobbies, but it was obvious that he was just a beginner. After playing one or two games with me, he completely limited his interest in Go to playing against computer programs, and never mentioned that he would play against me again.

Anyone who has studied or studied in the United States will probably know that life during that period was always rushed and temporary. Whenever someone moves, Teacher Fei is always the one who will be caught. Of course, he is also willing to help others. The apartment we lived in was not in good condition, and the furniture was patchwork. But Teacher Fei still lived happily in this state. Sometimes while eating a big bowl of noodles, he would talk about how he had no place to sleep on the street when he was a child, and how he was hungry and could not eat enough. Then he would continue to suck noodles into his mouth with an expression of great satisfaction. Of course there is something he can't stand, and that's cockroaches. Once, Teacher Fei added a big new sofa (it was old) to his home, and then he started to run rampant in the house. Although he did not criticize chemical and biological agents such as cockroach killers, he fully demonstrated his dissatisfaction with actions. For a while, every day I saw him, his eyes were swollen. Upon questioning, it turned out that every night in the dead of night, he would suddenly get up, turn on the kitchen light, and then use physical attacks on all living animals within his sight; sometimes he would even do this multiple times throughout the night, so the number he could annihilate each time was decreasing day by day. But what was surprising was that the number of cockroaches was never close to the level he was satisfied with, so after thinking hard, he dissected the newly added sofa. I didn't witness the grand occasion with my own eyes, but according to his own words, he was about to reach the level of killing the top 100 people that time. After that, the number of cockroaches finally dropped to a level that he could tolerate, and he was finally able to sleep peacefully with a comfortable expression on his face again.

When we first met, Kevin (Teacher Fei’s second son) was not born yet, and my child was still young, so Zhuang Zhuang (Teacher Fei’s eldest son), who was already able to talk to adults, was definitely the protagonist of every day life. Every time I go to their home, the usual scene is that Chunxia (the teacher’s wife as the students call her) is in the kitchen, Zhuangzhuang is watching "Mulan" or "The Lion King", and Teacher Fei is working in front of an old laptop. His desk and chair did not match his height very well, so he had to hunker down to look at the screen; compared with his huge fingers, the laptop keyboard looked extremely small, forming a strong contrast; and the few pages of paper and pen next to it were basically just decorations, and probably 100% of the drafts were in his mind. Of course, most people may not be able to imagine that most of his work was completed in this state, accompanied by Disney cartoons. If I catch up with such a scene, I will sit down and watch cartoons with Zhuangzhuang with great interest as usual. Of course, I occasionally looked at his computer screen. Even though I had little knowledge of semiconductor physics, quantum mechanics, and optoelectronic technology, the spell-like econometrics book that filled the screen made me immediately pick up the phrase "every line is like a mountain" and continue my animation journey while waiting for my meal. Of course, I also took Teacher Fei to visit our laboratory. Seeing his frightened face towards our various instruments and equipment, I was secretly happy in my heart. When Teacher Fei comes back to his senses from work, he often plays the game of "tree climbing" with Zhuang Zhuang. He grabbed Zhuang Zhuang's hand, then Zhuang Zhuang stepped on him step by step until he reached his chest, and then landed on the ground with a backflip. I was dumbfounded when I first saw this game, but soon I succeeded and learned this very dangerous father-son gymnastics.

The days passed, and then Kevin was born, and our family lived more happily. Of course, the happiest thing is hanging out together. We took two old cars and scanned the landscape around Phoenix. Of course, when driving, I followed his car painfully as usual. Mr. Fei has a distinctive characteristic when driving: as soon as he holds the steering wheel, he no longer seems willing to hit the brakes; every time he travels, it seems that it is a dedicated time for road rally racing. Once I went to Canyon Lake and was winding on the mountain road. He was riding ahead and I was following closely behind. My palms and forehead were all sweaty. After arriving at the destination, my legs felt weak. I watched Zhuang Zhuang, my son, and Teacher Fei spinning around happily on the grass by the lake. Something was spinning in my head, and then I fell down on the grass and fell into a deep sleep, which was even more sound than sleeping on the bed at home. Another time we rented a big car to go to San Diego, and Teacher Fei and I switched driving. The most satisfying thing for me at that time was that I no longer had to chase painfully behind Teacher Fei’s car. The two of us were driving at night, and in the three rows of seats behind the car, there were three children sleeping soundly at first; after a while, the two mothers also fell asleep soundly. The two of us were chatting in the front while driving, talking about our ideals, career and philosophy. Up to now, the memory of that time in San Diego is a bit faded, but the memory of burning the midnight oil with Teacher Fei is still fresh in my memory.

Two years is not a long time, nor is it a short time. When Teacher Fei and his family really packed their bags and started preparing to return to China, we were still happily talking about the future. But when the moment of departure really comes, we can only suppress our sadness, and all the ladies can't control their tears to a certain extent. Seeing them off, waving, and watching them walk into the airport - but these are far less than when they really left, but I subconsciously walked upstairs again? When I looked at the empty room through the window, I realized that Teacher Fei would no longer hold Kevin and Zhuangzhuang with his big hands and walk beside us; there are no words to describe the feeling of psychological emptiness.

That moment has passed. at this moment. I was in front of the computer, babbling like an old lady, talking about something incomprehensible. The story is about a person named Teacher Fei, a person who has been with me for just two years, a friend who is as close as a gentleman to me, and a person who is my forever family. Compared with some eternal things, life may be short-lived, just like a flame in the wind and rain, flickering and extinguishing without knowing when. Buddhism talks about physical life, which is nothing more than a skin; but without the skin, where does the soul go? At this moment, Teacher Fei is separated from us by nature. If we meet again, we may not know whether it will be the next reincarnation of life and death. If he and I could still remember our past lives at that moment, I would tell him that Chunxia, ​​Zhuangzhuang, Kevin, our family, his teachers, his students, and countless people in this world who still have their flames burning, all miss him very much.

The wild night is filled with stars, and the soju is as cold as the throat. Throwing cups across the river makes a waterfall of tears, while the singing boat on the other side is empty.

>Ding Ding February 2010