The so-called conditions for marriage (you don’t need to read it if you are 30+)

The so-called conditions of marriage (you don’t need to read it if you are 30+) I hope you don’t think that I am relying on my old age to show off my old age. Yesterday I heard some comments saying that young people have no marriage...

I hope you don’t think that I am relying on my old age to show off my old age.

Yesterday I heard some comments saying that young people are not eligible for marriage, such as not having a house. I was surprised at first, but then I thought about it, and it seems to be what many people think now. When did we start to think that "everything has stabilized" before we can think about getting married? To have a house, a job, an identity, etc., it seems that getting married will hinder the realization of these goals. Or they have greater pursuits, whether they are afraid of being distracted by family life or they vaguely feel that the person in front of them is not worthy of their future self. In short, young people don’t want to commit.

But in many cases, there is no need to be afraid. I am fortunate to know some older friends who came to the United States more than 20 years ago with only two boxes and a few hundred dollars. Some of them were counting on whether they could survive until their first labor payment. Many people get married when they are poor students. They have nothing to offer before getting married, so they save tens of dollars to buy wedding rings by mail. But now everyone has no worries about their status, their lives are stable, and many of their children have gone to elite universities. In retrospect, it is not without wind and rain, but most people can get through it with soldiers coming to stop them. Moreover, many people recall that it was precisely because of their family responsibilities that they had the incomparable courage to get through it. Maybe if you are single, you will give up and return to your country (of course, this may not be a bad thing). There was no one they knew who was too down and out because of family burdens.

As for big pursuits, it is a good thing for young people to be energetic. This energy is not about how high you can really climb, but the energy and enterprising spirit when you are young. It is the motivation for learning. What you can gain from learning is not necessarily the worldly definition of success. Experience itself can enrich a person's life. But for most ordinary people, we still have to accept the fact that we are mediocre in the end, and for these people, family happiness is one of the biggest sources of happiness, if not the biggest source. The older many people get, the more they feel this. So if your partner is not unreasonable and high-maintenance, or aggressive to the point of sacrificing your family, you can actually stop and think about whether it is worth it. In particular, it is best to examine whether your enterprising spirit comes only from vanity. If so, in fact, the socioeconomic class in which most Chinese international students in the United States end up staying is in a very narrow spectrum. In fact, no one is much better than the other. Of course, people's pursuits are not single. Some people can indeed pursue and make progress throughout their lives. But when it comes to sacrificing family for career, you need to know what kind of person you are and what you are giving up.

As for those who feel that they will always achieve great achievements, and that the people in front of them are just expedience, I don’t have much to say about that, except for two points: people tend to overestimate themselves, and the feelings attracted by external achievements are very superficial.

There is no turning back in life. Sometimes if you miss something, you will miss it forever. The blessing of young couples is one of these things. The best foundation for a marriage is when both parties are young and passionate. Once this time has passed, it is past. No matter how hard you try after that, you will always be a sub-optimal half-way couple. In fact, when we were young, we had a strong relationship, no big differences in values, both parties were willing to communicate and improve, and their families were reasonable, which were enough conditions for marriage. Both parties can have enough faith to stay together and defend the integrity of the family. After getting along, the heart may become more stable. Moreover, if a person has confidence and knows that no matter how down and out he is, he will not face it alone. There will always be a corner of the world. No matter if the whole world abandons you, it will open a warm embrace to you. With such psychological support, it may be easier to focus on struggle and be more confident than a single person who has been looking for it, which may not really be a hindrance. Single people may seem to have a lot of time, but they can also be lonely and distracted.

If everyone works together, what should be there will always be there. Let’s commit as soon as possible while we are still young. Many times, it takes decades of working as a person to realize that things have changed, and many times those solid material foundations in the past (such as ordinary workers in state-owned enterprises N years ago) are actually false. The things that many people may be obsessed with now may actually end up being insignificant in family life.

Or you can think of it as a middle-aged girl complaining about missing out on the blessing of a teenage couple. The blessing of a young couple has been missed, but it is still not too late to hope for the blessing of growing old together, right? - Only when the world is quiet can we see things, but when people are calm can we grow up.