Love and Conflict: Secrets to Keeping a Marriage Always Vibrant

Love and Conflict: Secrets to Keeping a Marriage Always Vibrant San Jose Cai Peifen I remember a few years ago, when I took my very young child back to Taiwan to visit my parents...

Differences in Marriage Many modern people focus on "What can I get from marriage?" When we choose to get married, we all have certain expectations for marriage. When expectations turn into disappointment, dissatisfaction, resentment, and even bitterness will arise. When that feeling of love disappears, or when you have found other "more ideal" choices and find that this choice will be more beneficial to you than maintaining your current marriage, then choosing to "separate" is the most natural thing. Maybe some couples endured it and got through it for the sake of their children. Although their marriages did not break up, they lived in pain. Some couples are unwilling to endure that kind of pain, so they choose to separate or divorce. In fact, if you have had differences of opinion with your significant other in the past and often had conflicts in your life, you will conclude that the relationship between you will always be a deadlock. Please be sure to give up this dangerous idea. Maybe the situation you're facing means your relationship needs an adjustment. When we fall in love, we tend to be attracted to people with opposite personalities to our own. For example, lively and outgoing people will like people who think calmly, quick-moving people will like people who are slow and careful, and people who are budget-conscious will often be matched with people who spend money generously. People who are in love always have the illusion that the person they love is perfect and the two of us are so "speed-matched"; however, when the emotional wave of love subsides and the couple returns to the real world, the differences between the two are revealed. How many of us will ask: "Why did we get married? We always disagree, and our choices must be wrong!" The "catfish effect" in marriage It is said that Norwegians who like to eat sardines love to eat live sardines. However, fishermen cannot transport every sardine alive to the port, and often die of suffocation during transportation. But there is a fishing boat that can always bring most of the sardines back to the fishing port alive. The captain kept the secret strictly, and no one knew the secret until the captain's death. It turned out that the captain put a catfish whose main food was fish into the fish tank filled with sardines. After the catfish entered the fish tank, they moved around because of the unfamiliar environment. The sardines were very nervous when they saw the catfish. They hid everywhere and swam faster. In this way, sardines can return to the fishing port alive and kicking. This is the famous "catfish effect." In the journey of life, we may be like those sardines, from sea to port, from birth to death, from cradle to grave, like an unchanging road. Along the way, we can only eat, drink, defecate, urinate, and sleep. We spend our whole life in peace and comfort, so that we live lifeless and lifeless. Therefore, we desperately need catfish to accompany us on the road of life, so that we can reach the end point "full of life". For married couples, the "catfish effect" sometimes occurs, but it is still full of God's grace in thinking, because it is not easy for two people with different personalities, thoughts, backgrounds, and professions to stay together for a lifetime. It requires a lot of love, confidence, and patience to deal with their differences and use love to move towards harmony in conflicts. Understanding conflicts In fact, wherever there are people, there will be conflicts, because conflicts mainly come from differences. When both parties have different expectations, and only one party can meet them, friction will occur. When both parties solve problems in a self-centered way, conflicts will naturally arise. When coupled with the fact that everyone is different. They all have different opinions, viewpoints, family backgrounds, genders, and personalities. If they have to get along day and night, the phenomenon of "iron sharpens iron" will naturally occur. What's more, we are all sinners. We make big mistakes and small mistakes all the time. We all think that our views are the most objective, reasonable, reasonable and smart, so we always stick to our own opinions. Moreover, everyone is weak. We expect, are disappointed, become emotional, judge, and punish others. We don’t worry too much about other people’s children, but the closer we are to someone with deep love and responsibility, the more likely they are to have conflicts, and they often handle conflicts in incorrect ways. The key to resolving conflicts, in fact, is that the first step towards harmony is one's willingness to examine oneself, the ability to see one's own shortcomings, and the ability to admit mistakes and apologize to the other party. Maybe the other party has made more mistakes, but if we are willing to forgive the other party from the heart for hurting us, we can see the relationship restored. Therefore, the only and most effective way to resolve interpersonal conflicts is to change yourself. God often allows conflict to arise, and He has the power to repair our conflict. Just like a father who gives something to his child is not afraid that the child will break it, if we are willing to ask Him for help, He is able to repair it! Help us in conflict situations. First aid kit for dealing with conflicts 1. When conflicts arise, please be careful not to respect "I" as the greatest, insist on "I" will, treat others as living sacrifices, and do everything to satisfy "I". 2. When a conflict arises, please first think about whether you have made any mistakes (you have not seen anything), and be brave enough to admit your mistakes and take responsibility. 3. When conflicts arise, please remember that "as long as you are willing to be humble and tolerant, there is no problem that cannot be solved." 4. When conflict arises, please don’t reopen old scores, this trick will definitely not work! 5 When conflict comes, admit it if you are wrong; shut up if you are right! 6. Don’t go to bed without resolving the conflict. Remember that the problem "under the iceberg" is the most serious. 7. When a conflict arises, “the difference between whether you will have a better life in the future or not depends on whether you leave a few words unsaid.

8. When conflict comes, don’t get angry first. Please recite/sing the “Psalm of Love” first (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Very useful!